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Memory's Last Breath: Field Notes on My Dementia, by Gerda Saunders
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Review
"The book is remarkable not only for its fiercely honest, sometimes-poetic portrayal of mental decline, but also for the way the author effectively celebrates 'the magisteria of a mind'.... A courageous, richly textured, and unsparing memoir."―Kirkus Reviews (starred review)"[A] deeply emotional and humbling memoir...a work of breathtaking defiance."―Booklist (starred review)"This courageous and singular book describes both the indignities inscribed in the erosion of memory and the surprising grace to be found in that experience. At once observer and subject, Gerda Saunders demonstrates how a powerful intellect can remain undiminished even as other mental capacities are compromised. Her book's lessons in dignity will be invaluable to anyone facing the complex meanings of dementia."―Andrew Solomon, National Book Award-winning author of The Noonday Demon and Far from the Tree "The abrupt loss of everyday memory due to brain injury is swiftly and seriously unsettling. Its slower, subtle decline, the hallmark of dementia, provides time for introspection on its troubling trajectory. Gerda Saunders has given us a window into that chilling, yet poignant, psychological reality. Memory's Last Breath is personal, lucid, and inspiring."―Dr. Michael Gazzaniga, Director of the SAGE Center for the Study of Mind at the University of California, Santa Barbara, and author of Tales from Both Sides of the Brain: A Life in Neuroscience"Navigating the onset of her own dementia with intelligence and charm, Gerda Saunders has written an engaging mélange of reflection, family history and quest. Memory's Last Breath is a surprising and subtly triumphant contribution to the literature of recollection."―Honor Moore, author of The Bishop's Daughter"Gerda Saunders' Memory's Last Breath is not only a how-to manual for navigating the emotional and physiological terrain of dementia--an illness that effects the daily lives and hopes of millions--but a highly compelling account of the life of the mind, its developments, repetitions, omissions, and flourishes. Through eloquent, unwavering prose, Saunders guides us through the horrors and humors of an illness that is slowly erasing her mental and physical memory; her insights are lessons in longevity. Above all things, Memory's Last Breath is indelible--a testament to the capacity of language both in a writer's life and a reader's." ―Ann Neumann, author of The Good Death"Saunders...writes bravely about her early-onset dementia diagnosis, and nicely bridges the intensely personal experience of her failing mind with examinations of neurological science.... Her evocative writing shows her to be a researcher and craftswoman."―Publishers Weekly"The book (with its astonishing subtitle: 'Field Notes on My Dementia') is a literary achievement ... blend[ing] meditations on memory and identity with brain science, rooted by the writer's anthropologic jottings of daily misadventures."―Salt Lake Tribune"An intimate, revealing account of living with dementia.... Saunders approaches some of the most difficult questions a human being can face with clarity and wisdom."―Shelf Awareness"Melodious.... The last chapter is stunning in both senses of the word, gorgeous and shocking... A graceful, innovative writer.... Saunders's awareness of her own mortality has turned her into an omniscient eye."―Jennifer Senior, New York Times
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About the Author
Gerda Saunders emigrated to the United States from South Africa in 1984. In 1996 she received a PhD in English from the University of Utah, where she later served as associate director of the Gender Studies Program. Saunders is the author of the short story collection Blessings on the Sheep Dog. She has spoken with the BBC and The Huffington Post about living with dementia, and is the subject of a series of short films being produced by VideoWest and featured on Slate.
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Product details
Paperback: 288 pages
Publisher: Hachette Books; Reprint edition (May 29, 2018)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 031650260X
ISBN-13: 978-0316502603
Product Dimensions:
5.5 x 0.9 x 8.4 inches
Shipping Weight: 8.5 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.1 out of 5 stars
65 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#175,751 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
3.5 Stars†And the longer life goes on, the fewer are those around to challenge our account, to remind us that our life is not our life, merely the story we have told about our life.â€--Julian Barnes, The Sense of an EndingA now retired scientist, Gerda Saunders was 61 when she was diagnosed with early onset dementia, specifically, micro-vascular disease. This memoir is her thoughts, fears, frustrations over the following years, the affect it had on her, her husband, her children, and daily life. From forgetting to include “necessary†garments to struggling with minor to more major concerns. When to give up driving. When to say “no more.â€As the author is a scientist, it shouldn’t come as too big of a surprise that this has a more clinical approach than other books I’ve read on this subject, the majority being fiction, but not all. I was hoping for a bit more of a personally involved perspective, but this has a bit more of a detached, clinical approach than what I was hoping for. She does talk about how everything affects her in a clinical sense, she just doesn’t talk about how that makes her feel, even her stepping into areas of frustration seem removed and aloof. I understand that as a person, but as a reader it kept me from feeling connected. This is the one thing that didn’t work as well for me. For me – that doesn’t mean it won’t work for you. This is really a very well balanced book in terms of showing you both the scientific aspect and the more human side of life, when that life is fraught with unpredictable lapses of memory, of understanding, of those moments of panic that set in when we feel trapped by something and can’t figure out way out.Saunders memoir covers quite a bit of territory and includes a blend of research studies further clarified in terms of how it affects someone on a daily basis, along with the memories of her youth, growing up in South Africa, amazing stories including their move from South Africa to Utah. I loved reading about her quest to determine which telling of a story was the most accurate one, which sibling, or parent, neighbor, etc. remembered the accurate numbers and who did what. These areas are where this book really was lovely, a blend of real-life to focus on a real person instead of the academic nature of research. There is some discussion of her literature, Iris Murdoch, Shakespeare.â€Murdoch’s own relation to words, speech, writing, stands testament to her conviction that there is no self without language, no route to ‘ultimate divinity’ without the mediating power of words.â€There are heartbreaking moments in this, as clinical as these thoughts are at times, sometimes she lowers the protective field and lets the reader see those moments when she clings to these moments when life is still good. When a hug from a grandchild is enough to remember reasons why life still has its “good enough†moments.Also included are her “Field Notes.†Among these are notes on the frustrations of the day.â€Dementia Field Notes, 7-26-2014: The other day I put my bra on over my pajama T-shirt.â€Through these you can sense a bit of the day-to-day struggle she lives with and how they range from a simple frustration to frightening ones.The fears of becoming one of those physically alive but mentally no longer involved are examined, with inclusions of thoughts of others, authors, scientists, quotes from Song of Solomon to Jonathan Franzen. Research into the field of Physician Assisted Dying, much like I read about in Deborah Ziegler’s “Wild and Precious Life.â€David Shenk, author of “The Forgetting: Understanding Alzheimer’s†shares a thought “the unique curse of Alzheimer’s Disease (AD) is that it ravages several victims for every brain it infects.†This is a truth too often overlooked. It is usually avoided as a thought until it is unavoidable. No one wants to think of this happening to someone they love. No one wants to think of this happening to someone in their own family. It’s a life changing disease for everyone involved.
This book may be a bit puzzling at first due to its unusual format but it quickly becomes fascinating, lucidly informative, and ultimately emotionally wrenching as a brilliant woman shares her lengthy struggle to stave off and adapt to dementia.
If you are looking for a self-help book or a testimonial about the blessings of dementia this is not the book for you. If you want a wise hand to hold while observing /feeling your way into the bizarre ways a brain can misbehave, also connection to an author's generous heart as she makes meaning and resolution with a life's past and present--if you'd like a hug of shared humanity as the writer forms peace with the indignities of fierce mortality--you should buy Saunders' book now. I'm fortunate to have read it.
After writing several essays about her early onset dementia, Gerda Saunders was encouraged by her colleagues that her work could become a book and indeed it did. It is MEMORY’S LAST BREATH: FIELD NOTES ON MY DEMENTIA. A great mind, an intellectual, a college professor, a writer, Saunders wanted to document, through journaling, what was happening to her, so that readers, her family, others suffering from dementia, might gain a better understanding of not only what she was going through, but how her brain was slowing down, how she was gradually losing her short-term memory, and how rapidly.Her ability to do this is remarkable. Imagine sharing your thoughts and fumbles, all part of the territory, so openly. Here is an inside look at a disease that ravages the brain, which you have no control of. Saunders shows us her personal stories through her diary, her background growing up in apartheid South Africa, anecdotes that have a wonderful touch of humor throughout, as well as scientific information that dissect, if you will, the brain and explain the four lobes and the how and why of where we get information and how we lose that information. She is quite frank about the moment that she knew that she needed to retire from her job, everyday tasks that have now become difficult for her, situations both humiliating and terrifying where she has had to be rescued from, the list goes on.In MEMORY’S LAST BREATH, the author shares more than just her inquisitive mind. She shares her quest for knowledge, her love of life and family, how art and literature play key roles in her current situation, her sense of fashion and not giving it up even if her attempt to create a mnemonic code to help her with her wardrobe fails, and knowing when her life will not be the life she wants to keep living as she poses the toughest questions to her family so that they clearly understand what quality of life means to her.Whether or not you know anyone suffering from dementia, the book is enlightening and certainly provides powerful insight into a disease that affects millions. If you do know of someone suffering from the disease or someone who has a family member who has dementia, I highly recommend reading it, not only to better understand just how devastating it is, but to comprehend the pain that the family and loved ones endure, watching, as Saunders says, the mind “go away.â€Â
Poignant, lyrical, honest and thoughtful, Memory's Last Breath is truly breathtaking. My favorite memoirs are those that provoke smiles and tears simultaneously, and I was not disappointed here. Gerda's compelling truth, interwoven through past memories and her present day making-of-memories to leave behind as her legacy to her loving family, truly touched my heart. I fully recommend this outstanding book to anyone and everyone who has been touched by dementia. And honestly, who hasn't been?
In this lyrical, beautiful book the author interweaves elements of memoir, science, and an anthropologist-like accounting of her daily life in the land of dementia. Her honest and unflinching narrative elucidates not only the struggles in her day-to-day existence but also her grappling with the larger question of how to resolve her identity now that the 'good brain' which was so much of her self is failing her. A truly courageous and inspiring book.
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